Muckers Worldwide Unite

If it’s The Boss writing it is bound to feature cycling… groan. To be fair, the back story is odd enough that I might persuade you to read a little further.

Long story short, I bought an indoor exercise bike, I linked it to the Laptop, found myself racing against virtual strangers from around the world, joined their ‘virtual’ club … ‘MuckersWorldwide’ and downloaded ‘Whatsapp’ so I could have ‘banter’ with my new virtual friends. See, that wasn’t boring, was it?

Then one day, Andy (Belgium) invited Daniel (Germany) over to Belgium to ride on his local Hills & Cobbles made famous by the professional cycling races every spring when they are generally wet and muddy. This invite was subsequently extended to the whole MuckersWorldwide group (approx 20 virtual teammates). Now, how can I convince Deb to give me a weekend pass for this? I know, dress it up as a European holiday and casually mention I might meet some mates for a bike ride. It worked, and here we are in Belgium after a lovely first week spent in The Netherlands.

The group became Six, Andy and Daniel were then joined by Ard (Netherlands), Neil, Kyle and Myself from the UK. Others were keen to come along but it was all pulled together in a short matter of weeks and their schedules were full, maybe next year?  Complete strangers united by a common hobby and here we are having a very enjoyable social evening.

Andy, and his wife Sarah, were perfect hosts. We joined them Friday evening to immerse ourselves in Belgium culture plus eat and drink lots, lots and lots of Belgium beer as perfect preparation for these finely tuned athletes. Andy then produced a map to remind us that we were not here just to drink beer and proceeded to frighten us to death by showing us the steep (or steep-steep) hills we were about to ride.

Saturday arrived. I was slightly nervous, we only knew each other’s ability based on a computer screen. We all use different indoor bikes, maybe my machine is badly calibrated, maybe I can’t keep up, maybe they won’t keep up.

Our host, Andy, had meticulously planned four routes that would provide our two final routes for the weekend, the reason for the extra routes is that you can’t cycle up cobbled hills when they are wet from rain so an alternative route was available. The professionals will try without always being successful, plus Andy didn’t want any broken limbs to a fellow Mucker on his conscience.

None of us needed to worry, we quickly found that the attributes, power, weight and how they transferred to the computer translated into real life with reassuring accuracy. We were able to use our strengths to benefit the whole group while still riding at a fast pace that would give everyone a hard workout and push to the limits.

Saturday’s ride covered 60 miles with 3,800ft of climbing and a profile that looked like a sharks smile.

Saturday evening was another social event at a local ‘Bistro’ trying to consume enough calories, in my case, Pasta, to get us through the following day. We may have possibly gone back to Andy’s and drank more Belgium beer too. Then the map came out and more horror stories about steep-steep hills were told, only this time they will be on Cobbles.

Sunday’s ride started like Saturday, with an easy five mile flat section, that similar to yesterday, had an 18mph wind in our faces, an opportunity for us heavy boys to dish out pain to the lighter riders in advanced revenge for the pain they would dish us back on the hills.

What about those Cobbles? If you are ‘a certain age’ you may have learnt to ride your bike on Cobbles. As a five year old I probably didn’t notice them beneath my wheels. At 56, you have fillings in your teeth you would like to keep, glasses on your face that help you see and bones that talk louder than your mouth. Riding on cobbles at 16mph is something your body definitely notices but you have to go fast to make safe progress and end the agony as soon as possible.

Riding cobbles ‘uphill’ is another thing altogether. A 20% gradient is an awful 4mph grind at the best of times, on cobbles the road steers your bike as hard as you can correct it. Suddenly, a muddy ditch in the road gutter full of gravel and bits of broken glass seems a pleasant alternative to the ‘hell’ of the cobbles.

Two cobbled hills were set in our minds as the ones to be conquered or be conquered by … The Paterberg and The Koppenberg (Google them). As we approached The Paterberg the weather turned and heavy rain began to fall, Andy knew we all wanted to ride these two hills after traveling so far to be here, combined with his desire to keep us all safe he rode hard to get us to the Paterberg before it got too wet. Luckily, the first half of the climb has a narrow concrete gutter on the left, this is only about 12in wide so requires a decent level of handling when climbing hard, then you hit the 20% section and have to rejoin the cobbles for the heart busting grind to the top. I would share a photo but the guy who reached the top first did not have the camera ready for me, I should have gone slower.

The Koppenberg was another story. Andy pretty much knew it would be impossible to do. He had successfully done the climb a few times in the dry and had to do ‘the walk of shame’ each time he had arrived at it in wet conditions. Equally, we still wanted to at least try, our thinking was that any falls would be at 3mph and hopefully safe and maybe by some miracle we would succeed. There was to be no miracle for any of the six riders. My wheels took on a life of their own, even though I was only doing approx 3mph, half of that was wasted on the wheel spinning on the wet surface even though I was sat heavily on the saddle, the other half was wasted by cobbles sending both wheels in any direction to the point I was convinced they must both be punctured! The Result? going absolutely nowhere whilst my heart rate was at absolute maximum. I had to concede, but concede fast and get out of the way of the others coming through, I just ended up with a grandstand view of five further failures.

The ‘walk of shame’. No cyclist ever wants to walk a hill, it damages our egos. Today we couldn’t even do the ‘walk of shame’ … our shoes could not get any grip on the shiny wet surface on a 20% wall of stones. We were like baby Deer walking for the first time ever trying to drag bikes with us. To be fair to every one of us, we remounted at 10% wet cobbles and somehow reached the top. To add context, our fate was shared by arguably the world’s current No.1 rider Tadej Pogacar earlier this year. We are now in esteemed company.

Sunday’s ride covered just over 50 miles with only 2,700ft of ‘cobbled’ climbing. I find consecutive days of riding difficult if they are 50+ miles. These two rides pushed me to the limits of my current fitness and I would have struggled to do only 10 miles more. Perfect.

So, Thanks go to … Andy for hosting the inaugural MuckersWorldwide meeting and planning two superb routes that tested us and allowed us to wonder how the professionals race these roads … Sarah, your wonderful wife who came out with Aaron (our little domestique) on both days with fresh water, fruit and cakes, you could not have done anything more to make the trip better … Neil and Kyle, what have you created Muckers? … Ard and Daniel for being absolute monsters on your bikes, strong strong strong. Thank you also to all the MuckersWorldwide teammates I race each week. It doesn’t replace the ‘outside’ it has just made it a whole load better … Oh, and thank you to all the complete strangers and kids on the climbs for their cheering, support and enthusiasm … amazing.

The Boss

Edit.

I spent the next day watching the sunny weather and high winds thinking “I bet that hill is dry … if only I could have done it in the dry” … so after our evening meal I said to Deb “I’m just nipping out on my bike” … and just like Tadej Pogacar did, I bossed it in the dry.